A Journey to New Beginnings
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"What was once my pain has become my purpose."
— Pat Day-McCray
Pat Day-McCray
Founder & Executive Director
My journey began with my daughter, Alicia, my only child at the time, who was diagnosed with Short Bowel Syndrome at 1½ years old. Much of our journey together involved hospitals, physicians, medical decisions, and caring for her through a chronic illness.
During that time, I saw firsthand the challenges families can experience when caring for a seriously ill child. I met parents who were trying to balance being present for an ill child while also caring for other children at home, often carrying guilt because they could not be everywhere they felt they needed to be. I also saw parents who did not always feel comfortable asking questions, expressing concerns, or advocating for their children.
While I was witnessing these challenges, I was still developing my own voice in advocating for Alicia. I learned the importance of asking questions, understanding her care, expressing my concerns, building relationships with the staff who cared for her, and advocating for what I believed she needed.
I wasn't thinking about where those experiences might lead or how what I was learning might one day help someone else. My focus was simply Alicia—being her mother, caring for her, and making sure I was doing everything I could for my child. It wasn't until later that I would understand how much our journey together had taught me.
My beautiful daughter, a gift from God. Although our time together was brief, her life, our love, and the journey we shared left a lasting imprint on the woman I became.
Alicia
When My Journey Became a Pathway
After Alicia's death, I was left with the grief of losing my daughter and everything our journey together had taught me about medical care and parent advocacy.
During my grief, I adopted many of the thoughts and language I heard from other people who were grieving. Over time, the anger I carried was replaced with forgiveness, including forgiveness of myself.
I began to look more closely at what I had learned and believed about grief and to question the value of grief remaining a permanent part of my life. I came to understand that acceptance did not mean forgetting Alicia or leaving her behind. I could carry the love and memories without continuing to carry the grief.
What I learned through caring for Alicia and through my own grief eventually became part of how I supported others—helping parents find their voice in their child's medical care and helping those experiencing grief understand there is a pathway forward.
Those two parts of my journey—parent advocacy and grief—became the foundation of my work. Today, I carry that work forward as a coach and educator through coaching, workshops, community programming, and continued support for parents of children in the ICU and NICU.
My work extends through PDM Journey Coaching, LLC and MIRACLE Online Bookstore, LLC, where I provide education, coaching, professional development, and resources designed to support individuals and organizations. I am also an inventor and was granted a U.S. patent by the United States Patent and Trademark Office for my Therapeutic Dolls.
Throughout my journey, my faith in Jesus Christ has remained my foundation, guiding how I live, serve others, and approach the work I am called to do.
What began with one mother, one daughter, and one journey became a path to help others.
A Message From Pat
Our experiences shape us, but they do not have to define what comes next.
Grief, loss, relationships, what we learned growing up, and the things we experience along the way can influence how we communicate, how we respond, the relationships we build, and the choices we make—sometimes without us even realizing it.
There is value in becoming curious about our own lives. Why do I respond this way? What have I been taught, knowingly or unknowingly, to believe? What am I carrying that still has value in my life? What am I ready to change?
My role is to support people as they consider those questions and their life choices—not by telling them what they should choose, but by helping them increase their awareness, build confidence, and gain clarity so they can make informed, intentional decisions for their lives.
The same is true when we think about grief. We may have learned or come to believe that grief is something we will carry for the rest of our lives. Just as we can question what we have been taught about ourselves, relationships, and how we respond to life, we can also question what we have come to believe about grief—including whether it has to remain a permanent part of our lives.
That raises another question: What does it look like to no longer live in grief? Acceptance gives us a way to consider that possibility. Acceptance does not erase the past or diminish the love we have for someone. It allows us to acknowledge what happened without continuing to live in the wanting or longing for what is no longer accessible to us.
So, I leave you with this question: What are you carrying forward because you chose it—and what are you carrying simply because it was handed to you?
— Pat Day-McCray
What Shaped Us Does Not Have to Shape Future Generations.
Awareness gives us the opportunity to understand what shaped us, recognize how it may be showing up in our lives, and make intentional choices about what we carry forward and what we pass on to future generations.
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